How to be a Calm Parent

Just like in everything else, many advancements have been made in the field of parenting and childcare.

Many of these advancements have been the result of studies that thoroughly examined the relationship between parents and their children.

Calm Parenting is something that was born out of such studies.

Raising kids is not just about fulfilling the physiological needs of a child. It is also about fulfilling the emotional needs of a child.

An important part of parenting is strengthening the emotional bond that a parent shares with their child.

And one of the best ways to do that is by being a calm parent.

What is Calm Parenting?

Simply put, calm parenting is a parenting approach wherein the parent remains calm while interacting with the child.  

No matter how tired or frustrated the parent may feel when a child is throwing a tantrum, the parent chooses to stay calm and respond appropriately.

There is no yelling or spanking according to the principles of calm parenting.

Even if the child is misbehaving, being rude or yelling at the parent, the parent does not yell back at the child.

How to be a Calm Parent?

We know that when it comes to calm parenting, it is easier said than done.

Parents are often tired and sleep deprived. Hence, many parents find it difficult to stay calm when their little ones are screaming or being too naughty.  

As a result, many parents often end up yelling or spanking their child. It may be a temporary aid, but it may lead to greater complications in the future.

If you have been looking for calm parenting books, calm parenting tips or wondering how to be a calm mom or dad; then you are at the right page.

Given below are some ideas and tips for calm parenting that you can use when your little one is being too naughty or throwing a full-blown temper tantrum.

1. Take a minute.

Let’s face the truth. Parenting is hard. And at times, it can get quite overwhelming.

When you have a child that is being extremely rude or screaming at the top of their lungs, you might have the urge to yell in order for the child to listen.

When such a situation arises, what you can do is resist the urge to shout back at your child. Shouting would not have the effect you wanted.

Chances are that your child will shout even louder and the tantrum would get even worse.

So, when you are on the brink of losing your own temper, what you can do is take a minute.

Give yourself a timeout. And if a timeout is not possible, then just take a minute and do not react to your child’s behaviour.

Then, count from one to ten. This would give you a chance to focus on your breathing and in the process, you can find yourself calm down.

If your child is old enough to understand your words, then count out loud. It is a great way to show children how to self-regulate their emotions.

Taking a minute to regulate their own emotions is something that is often done by calm parents.

2. Get enough rest.

It is a known fact that a well-rested mind is a mind that is able to handle stress or hard situations better.

So, if you want to practise gentle parenting, then you need to make sure that you are getting plenty of rest.

Getting a full eight hours of sleep is not really possible when you have a child; especially if your child is still small.

So, whenever possible, take as many short naps as you can during the day. This way you will feel less tired.

And hence, you will feel more ready to handle a temper tantrum or some other undesirable behaviour from your child.

3. Separate your emotions.

These days, people often wonder how to be a calm dad or mom. One of the best ways to do that is by separating your own emotions from that of your child.

We, as humans, tend to imitate and absorb emotions. We smile back when a person smiles at us.

Similarly, when a person is expressing their anger towards us, we often tend to reply angrily. While dealing with children, this basic human-behaviour can get counterproductive.

So, keeping in sync with the ideas of calm parenting, the best thing for you to do during a temper tantrum is to separate your emotions from that of your child.

Just because she is angry does not mean that you have to be angry too. You have the option of staying calm and responding to a particular situation appropriately.

Try to remind yourself this the next time you are facing a toddler meltdown.

4. Keep your toolbox ready.

If you are wondering how to be a gentle parent, you’ve already taken the first step towards being a gentle and calm parent.

An important element of being a gentle parent is keeping your parenting toolbox ready.

Which basically means that you need to figure the ways through which you can deal with tantrums thrown by your child.

And then, remember to utilise those ways or methods when your child is misbehaving or throwing a tantrum.

The tools in your toolbox might be something as simple as counting from one to ten in order to calm yourself down.

Or it can be a song to sing that could help your child to calm down.

If you have a few tips to handle a toddler meltdown in your parenting toolbox, you would be better equipped to face the next tantrum.

5. Identify your own triggers.

Something that makes you angry might not even bother someone else.

Everyone has their own specific triggers. There are things that your child does that can make you lose your cool and yell at her.

A great way to be a calm parent is to identify the triggers that make you angry and shout at your child.

Does her high pitched crying drive you mad? Or is it the fact that she ignores you and does not respond when she does not want to do something when asked?

Whichever triggers you may have; once you identify those triggers, you can find a way to keep your emotions in check and navigate a stressful situation peacefully.

6. Learn relaxation techniques.

While learning how to be a calm parent, one of the most important things you can do is to stay relaxed.

The more relaxed you are on a regular basis, the more the chances of you staying relaxed while dealing with an unruly child.

And in order to stay relaxed during stressful times, you must learn a few relaxation techniques.

Different relaxation techniques work differently for individuals. Find out which relaxation techniques work best for you.

Relaxation techniques may include counting from one to ten or removing yourself from the stressful environment temporarily.

7. Consider the consequences.

Many a times, parents react to their kids’ behaviour and end up yelling at them, or worse, hitting them.

This is often a wrong thing to do.

Many studies have shown that yelling at kids and/or hitting them has adverse effects on their mental health.

It might seem like a temporary solution but in the long run, it can be quite harmful to the child.

So, when you feel like you are about to lose your cool, remind yourself of all the negative impact it might have on your beloved child.

It should help you get control over your emotions and become a calm parent.

What are the benefits of Calm Parenting?

In case you are still not sure about using the above-mentioned calm parenting tips, you can go through the following benefits of calm parenting.

• When a child gets yelled at, it creates behavioural problems in them. It also leads to various mental health issues.

Calm parenting helps a parent cut down the chances of such things from happening.

• Practising calm or gentle parenting means that you would not yell that much on a regular basis. This would make you feel more peaceful in your daily life.
• Being a calm parent is a great way to ensure that you and your child are close.

It creates a strong bond that continues well into adulthood.

• Calm parenting is a great way to show that you respect your kids and value their opinion.
• Gentle parenting helps in nurturing their emotional intelligence.          

Now that you know the ways of calm parenting and the benefits of calm parenting, remember that changes don’t happen overnight.

Just like other life-skills, calm parenting or gentle parenting is also something that requires a lot of practice. So, keep practising.

Even if you are tired, even when you feel like giving up, keep reminding yourself why calm parenting is good for your child. It will help you keep moving forward.

And soon enough, you will master the art of calm parenting.